It's been a while since I've last visited my padded cell, and let me tell you . . . I've missed it sooo much! (No, I'm not crying, I've just got something in my eye.)
For once I'm not blaming those poor time traveling aliens for my absence, although I still see them from time to time. No, the true source of my silence is that I have been searching for work. . . which is not an easy thing to do. . . and I'm sure I'm not the only one with this particular problem.
Since the thought of filling out another application or sitting through another interview will definitely insure me a spot in a real padded cell, I have decided that desperate times call for desperate measures. . . I'm going to take up piracy.
My Grandma is always saying, when you start new projects, you need to make lists. So, I'm going to take her advise. I think I'll start with the top five things that I'll need to do to prepare for my piracy career.
1. I need to go shopping. If I'm going to become a pirate, I need to look good. It's all about appearances you know.
2. I need to find a ship.This is a slight problem, since my Mommy told me that I wasn't allowed to steal one. . . Luckily, I've come up with a solution. I'm going to steal a dinghy instead. I'm not disobeying my Mother, since she specifically said I wasn't to steal a ship. See, I'm good at this piracy thing already!
3. Come up with a cool name for my new vessel. I was thinking that the Dreaded Dinghy of Death sounded quite catchy, and would surely strike fear into those foolish enough to venture out on my lake (I'm from the Midwest, there are no seas around. I have to settle for a lake). I also need to get a Jolly Roger flag as a courtesy to the ships I plunder. It would be nice to let them know that I'm a pirate before I attack.
4. Find lake to embark on. Preferably one where there's sailboats. I don't think I can row fast enough in my dinghy to catch up with motor boats.
5. I need to locate a plank that will fit my Dreaded Dinghy of Death. . . I'll probably also have to buy some life vests and towels for the people I make walk the plank. . . Hmm, I wonder if I can get those floatation devises that look like rubber duckies? Wow, this is getting expensive!
Well, I'm sure I'll think of more things to add to my list, but I'll concentrate on these items for now. I'm off to do some shoe shopping, because let's face it, every pirate captain should have an awesome pair of boots.
Until next time, matey, may the wind always fill your sails. Argh!
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